Author: granduma

An avid reader and dreamer, I think of myself as a provacator, chiding people to examine their own beliefs, dreams and desires. Words play a very important part in our lives.

Remember your Last visit

So here’s why it’s great to visit your parents . It’s a reminder of where you came from and brings up old child hood things you swore you’d never do. Hah ha it’s a time for reflection and growth as you raise your own family. It’s respectful and it’s necessary because parents don’t live forever and they know well they did there best still probably made some mistakes and know our adult children for all they think they know will make mistakes too but there is NO place like home. A soft place to land always welcoming always loved, your visit and how it goes sets the stage for how you’re children will treat you when they are Adults.
So proud of my childrens accomplishments .  After every visit I worry if I’ll see them again so here is my wish “please know I love you.”

She Aint what she used to be

Another Dimension

I am larger and my measurements are different. I no longer have the long lean body of a 25, 35 or 55-year-old woman. I prefer sleep and rest over exercise, I enjoy my wine with dinner over drinking an ice tea or milk .. THis vessel, my body now supports my smaller gait, my slower moves. I
 enjoy long social dinners, rich sauces, artesian breads and desert 
without guilt.
 No matter what I would do, that specific time and younger body will 
never return, as it should not. I am older, wiser and more comfortable in my skin and  with who i have grown to be. 
I am larger, sweeter, more comfortable with my own time tested 
opinions based on my own experiences.
 My laughter is louder and more frequent, my friendships are 
more dear,and most cherished. My family is at the top of my priority list and is most important, while my ego is no longer in check.
As Popeye the Sailor man said "I am who I am".
 I still blush, make mistakes, and blunder but without fear of rejection because I know myself and I know who my friends are. 
I no longer get nervous with long silences when with other people. I have come to realize that no one really cares if you eat at a restaurant by 
yourself, NO one is starring and if they are, I must be empowering them
 to do the same.
I like that saying" Grow old with me the best is yet to be" because I
 believe it to be true

Hyde Park

I recently had an appointment with a client in Hyde Park. This is a neighborhood surrounding the University of Ilinois Hospital and known for its divisity.
My parents were born in this neighborhood over 75 years ago. They met and dated at the local social club.
Growing up my siblings and I were treated to many stories of their youthful adventures . I just had to imagine the two people I knew as Mom and Dad jumping off the rocks to swim, attending the social clubs and “hanging out” in the neighborhood
It wasnt until this last trip to this neighborhood that I realized that I TOO was born in Hyde Park. Gosh why did it take me do long to include myself in that rowdy bunch.

I was a little overcome with emotion  while driving around the neighborhood. Trying to locate from memory where things were. I did get to see St Thomas the Apostle church and school where my Dad made his first communion, Ray grammer school where I attended kindergarten and I really enjoyed the blocks and blocks of tall apartment buildings. I could close my eyes and remember the summer sounds while our windows were open to get some freedom from the heat. I relived the smell of the carpeted hallways and all the different smells slipping under each apartment door reminding me that other cultures share similar spaces.

I could not remember our address exactly and of course many buildings were replaced with more modern buildings chain stores or parking lots .

i just felt closer to my parents than I had for a while. If it’s possible I would not be surprised if their ghosts are haunting their old familiar places!
My Mom had such fond memories of Hyde Park and talked of them right up until her last days.

Therese and 44 years, A story of Love, struggle and forgiveness

The Story of Therese

Forty four years ago I married my husband. That day we drove downtown and as many have heard me say, it took us longer to find a parking place than to say our vows ,fill out the paperwork and get married.
A lot of water has gone under the bridge or over the dam since the day I took off work to start a new chapter in my life. So it was that on that day Sept 3, 1971 that I married the Man that would father my children.
Those years in the beginning were not always happy. First, our honeymoon was in a Holiday inn, close to the racetrack where we spent our wedding day. He loved the Track and that was his plan. Then we had dinner at a restaurant close to the track before we headed to a Kmart to buy some things and then to the hotel for our”Honeymoon” it was a week-end .

The following years were met with many memorable moments as well as sad, lonely and miserable times. There was finding good employment,  the birth of Four Children, several apartments, starting a business of his own,  several houses, numerous schools and churches, family issues, relatives terminally ill and many now gone to sleep forever. Making and loosing good friendships. Wondering what tomorrow will bring our way. You might say we had potholes, peaks & valleys, more bumps in the road than we thought or welcomed.
My very biggest problem has always been dealing with his temper. He goes from smiling to punching walls within a matter of seconds. He blames things for not working when he is having a problem and blames me for everything wrong in his life. He often tells me I was the worst mistake he ever made. I think he is bi-polar. I know he has a confidence problem, because he rarely makes a decision. His decisions come about by his lack of doing anything and then dealing with the outcome. So, he wonders why he thinks life sucks.
I always thought I would get married to someone who would take care of me, worship and love me. Want me to smile and be happy. Shower me with flowers and gifts. Well I guess that’s every Girls dream, but I have had none of that. If I wanted flowers, I would have to buy them myself. My Christmas gifts were generally things like vacuum cleaners hair dryers etc. When I was having our babies, my big gift was getting a new robe. My mother in law shamed my husband into sending me flowers when our third child was born, I was sure the delivery person made a mistake when the flowers were delivered to my room. I also knew it was an empty thought, because he did not send the flower to me out of love or respect.
Now almost 45 years in the marriage I do get flowers on Easter and an occasional surprise. He qualifies sending the gift and the cost with sending business to his Customer who is a florist. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?
So why did I choose to Marry him? I can honestly say I loved him, thought he had big problems because of his family situation and that it would be different when we were on our own. We all say we don’t marry a family, but we do marry into the customs, issues and complexities that one brings from their upbringing.

My Blog

Nothing you can say can tear me away from MY blog, my blog, Nothing you can do cuz Im stuck like glue to My blog. I may not be a movie star but when it come to being happy, I “are?”

Just thinking last night how lucky I am in so many ways. The thought process began as I attended yet another wake of a good acquaintance (friend). These thoughts are in memory of Marcial Palomo, A very good man, Father husband, grandfather, teacher, friend. Safe travels to the next Adventure to another dimension !

What is that happens when one goes to the Doctor for one thing and suddenly is given a diagnosis of 3 months to live. How is it you can be out with your friend, see him, enjoy laughter, a few drinks nothing is different, then after the diagnosis, everything moves fast and no one is the same, particularly the patient.I cannot fathom what happens when you are faced with your own mortality . I only know from a distance what I have witnessed with my won Mom, Dad, and Bother. there is a silence that falls over them as if they are hearing and seeing something we cannot. I think its something that cannot be expressed and so it is one of the great mysteries that I wish I could unravel before it  happens to me.

One month, about 30 days going from his regular life to hospice and then a  memorial service. We waited in a line a few blocks long and even as we got closer to the family to share our sympathy the line continued to be very long. A great testament to a man who touched so many lives. Yet if you had met him, saw him, you would not pay particular attention to him. He was a quiet man who enjoyed a simple God-given world. His wife, his family, fishing, Grandbabies and long friendships.

I shared, joked that I didn’t even know that many people. all the Picture boards of a full life. Hmm I told my husband our kids would have difficulty when we passed because no one prints or saves pictures anymore. Everything is on the cloud, the iPhone or tablet . 

Go back

Your message has been sent

I am not one of those people who tells a surviving spouse or family member  “He’s in a better place” in fact I dislike that saying. I remember people saying that when my Mom died, when my Dad died, in fact someone is always saying that bullshit. oops, I can’t help myself. but seriously, what could be better than being here in your own surroundings with your family , on earth. I have religion, I understand we were not born to live forever, but a better place.  A different place, I can understand but a better place, I don’t think so.

Why this ..why now?

So it seems that I have been thinking about writing for a long time, and the encouragement of my oldest Daughter has brought me to this space. I want to leave some of my life stories for my family and friends so they can better understand me. The decisions I continue to make, my crazy outlook, why I laugh when most would cry.

I think I’ll start with the most shameful part of my story, well at least it was till I recognized and owned it.

I am a person who has a few very good, long time trusted friends.
This honor of friendship is usually easy ,after all during a persons school years, sports activities and parties, neighbors etc, you make many friends. For me and my siblings, it was not so easy. My parents were 18 years older than I. For many reasons which I’ll go into later, we moved once, twice sometimes three times a year, So me, the eldest child of Thomas O’Connor and Wanda Woods O’Connor attended more than 16 schools by eighth grade. No I was not an Army brat, nor were we traveling around the US but rather neighborhoods in Illinois and Indiana.

At one point I could name in order each school, and probably with some help could list them on my blog. Who knows someone may read it and say ” Hey I remember that girl”.

I was the perpetual “New Girl”. I did not have girlfriends, shopping dates, sleep overs or invitations to attend birthday parties. I was the one sitting alone, working alone, quiet and very private.

I remember how mortified I was when in Eighth grade, a lady from Public Aide came into my classroom with a box of clothes for me and my siblings. Talk about wanting to sink into the floor! I remember that parents were not eager for their children to play with me or invite me, understandable because they did not know me or my parents. In fact in 8th grade, the only year I went an entire year to the same school (Nathan Hale on Melvina) I lived on 64th and Kedzie. I walked 4 miles to school. Sometimes, when it was very cold, I took the bus  . the cost at that time was  12cents. That same  12 cents was sometimes used to buy a piece of italian bread soaked in gravy. The place on the corner near my grammar school of 63 Melvina was a family owned fast food restaurant. They gave me the bread for 5 cents. I was happy to have it. I still like meatless soaked Italian bread.

I must tell you that during this whole time I was happy, because I was in the same school, this was brand new to me. Even though I did not live in the neighborhood I could pretend that I was just like everyone else.

So I am not complaining as they say “you don’t know what you don’t know” but in fact this situation led to one of my best skills. I learned and still have an ability to sum up the personality and trustworthiness of  a person pretty accurately and fairly quickly. I had to learn this skill to survive my earliest school years.Thats another story .

Truth or Dare